The Calm Before the Storm.

Once close allies in the destruction of all mankind, Victoria Beckham and Katie Holmes have been reported to be feuding these days. Katie Holmes, an American-made bot once programmed as America's sweetheart in Dawson's Creek fell into the hands of fanatic Tom Cruise and now calls Los Angeles her stomping ground. Holmes took Posh under her cyborg wing after she conquered the Brits and the two were close, even showing signs of human affection, at least to the public eye.

Talks were even in progress of them combining their forces for greater human destruction until what initially brought them together seemed to dramatically pull them apart. Posh apparently wants Katie to get a tattoo, in order to let the world know who she is working for, and Katie is pushing back, exposing her signs of robotic independence and strength, something we all knew was coming but thought her husband/programmer Cruise had under control.

Katie fought back, "Tattoos are trashy. I wouldn't be caught dead with one" Oh snap. As if she even understands the concept of life or death. Posh, not one to roll over and pop a Xanax retorted:

How dare she attack my tattoos? I know more about fashion than she'll ever know...I've told her what to wear and what not to – she used to dress like a schoolgirl. Then she even tried to copy my hair. Now she doesn't think she needs me...

As this battle ensues, Southern California is on high alert. One can never know what these two bots can transform into from their giant purses and plastic sunglasses. Los Angeles quivers at the thought.

B.O.L.O. - Fauxbots

As I'm sure you're aware, robot infiltration is the source of many problems in modern society. However, there are other "foes" we defenders of humanity need to fight just as hard as we fight the bots—I'm talking, of course, about fauxbots.

Fauxbots are technically human, which makes them hard to identify. Take a look at this one, who we will call "Tyler." Note the dead look behind the eyes, the pale skin, and the complete lack of any human emotion. Many fauxbots also tend to give themselves away by opting for the "fauxhawk" hairstyle. Fauxbots are, essentially, human sympathizers of the robot cause, and are therefore very dangerous. The longer a human interacts with a robot in any friendly or nonadversarial manner (as all fauxbots do on a regular basis) the less human they become. Tyler here is a highly developed fauxbot (hence so obvious), and is barely human. This is where you can get into trouble, for destroying a fauxbot would most likely get you into trouble with your local law enforcement. Report any fauxbot sightings to botornot@gmail.com.

Current Robot Threat Level: ELEVATED
BE ON THE LOOKOUT

UPDATE:
I just ran across a shocking editorial in Wired's blog, advocating the further development of robotic weapons. While the author does make some intriguing points, allow me to retort: You're a f*cking fauxbot.

Victoria Beckham: Bot or Not?

When concern for humanity's sake was initially brought to my attention, I instantly thought of Victoria Beckham. Once a beloved Spice Girl, Posh's robotic nature was first exposed in the increasing fame and notoriety of the Spice Girls. What began as a cutesy obsession with the fashion houses of Gucci and Burberry, soon turned into an all out exposure of her hidden identity. Today, this "Divabot" has come clean to the world or her true self. Notice the plastic features, limited facial expressions, and cold, empty eyes. See her staring at your inner core, making you feel bad about yourself and rush to the mall to buy yourself a Burberry plaid ensemble or Gucci ice cube trays. God help you if she sees you in something you bought in Chinatown for 10 bucks. Although the Italian economy may thank the work of Victoria Beckham, one has to ask: Now that she is in America, what will her terror bring?

B.O.L.O. - Robot Attacks

This is the first of a regular feature: BOLO, or Be On the LookOut. We aim to raise awareness of related events and disseminate information to our readers that will aid them in staying on top of this serious situation. In addition, we will use this information to determine the current Robot Threat Level (RTL). There are five stages of the RTL: Severe, High, Elevated, Guarded, and Low. Note the color-coding, added for your convenience.

Please take the time to familiarize yourself with two chilling recent events, both of which involve robot attacks on mostly innocent humans. One might think that some of these people were at least partially responsible for what happened, but that misses the point: robots should not exert any power over humans whatsoever; this issue transcends any ethical argument. These two stories indicate that robots are beginning to act out against humans using violence:

1) Robocop
2) Murderbot

Robot Threat Level: ELEVATED
BE ON THE LOOKOUT

America's Leaders: Bot or Not?

Lets start off with some easy ones. Today, we're going to take a look at some of America's most well known figures, and analyze their behaviors and appearances to determine who is bot and who is not. The results of this analysis has serious implications for Americans and the world, as the presence of robots in government would suggest higher infiltration than one might think, and grant these diabolical machines with increased access to the tools necessary to carry out a robot revolution.

George W. Bush, President of the United States

This one's almost too easy. Synonymous with the Bush presidency is the term "human error." A robot president may systematically enslave and destroy the human race, but its logical nature would most likely prevent it from, for instance, invading a sovereign state on faulty intelligence. Further, he needs an assistant to put songs on his iPod for him, which a bot would not find neccesary. And there's apparently no techno or electronic music on it, which, as everyone knows, is the only music robots can enjoy. In my expert opinion, George Bush: human.

Richard "Dick" Cheney, Vice President of the United States

Like George Bush, this one is obvious, except that it's pretty clear that Dick Cheney is a robot. It's almost as if it doesn't try to hide this fact. Cheney's cover was blown nearly four years ago, but it seems that the American people do not realize what this implies for their current and future wellbeing. Through its political maneuvering, Cheney has become the most powerful VP in US history, simultaneously becoming the most influential robot in world history. Let's take a closer look: it has a malfunctioning heart and it appears not only to have a genuine distaste for humans, but also enjoys maiming them—even its own so-called friends. There is no doubt that Dick Cheney is a robot; however, it appears that the general uselessness of the vice presidency has shielded us from a robot revolution thus far. But if a robot can be elected as a vice president, it's only a matter of time before one is leading the country straight into a world of human enslavement under robot fascist rule.

Welcome

Come join us in the academic discussion about the prevalence of robots in our society (or simply, "bots"), particularly those that have taken on human form. Specifically, we aim to analyze current events and determine which of our beloved public figures are bots, and which of those who are not.

If you are skeptical about the seriousness of this subject matter, I invite you to review the below video; if it doesn't send chills down your spine, you might want to ask yourself: am I Bot or Not?