Suri Cruise: Bot or Not?

We've already discussed Katie Holmes's chillingly robotic nature, but as an alleged mother, any discussion invariably leads to one question: what about Suri? First of all, until I began researching this project (searching Google Images for the perfect picture, see left), I thought Suri was a guy baby, but pictures of him in dresses suggested otherwise; Wikipedia confirmed this (trannybots? stay tuned). I've always had reservations about the entire Cruise clan, no difference for Suri, and when I saw that searching for her on Wikipedia actually redirects to an entry called "TomKat," my suspicions were confirmed—Katie Holmes has clearly mastered the process of robot procreation. Katie Holmes most likely constructed Suri with the latest technologies, making it appear more human than ever, and certainly implemented the behaviors that can make a bot even mimic rudimentary human emotions.

Further, Suri hasn't been seen in, like, forever. With the media attention that the entire Cruise family attracts, we can safely assume that Suri has not been outside in months. Not human behavior. And finally, just look that picture: this baby has got its sh*t together. I didn't get myself to that level until this past December, so I find it hard to believe that a human being that age could really be that collected. No, something is very wrong with Suri Cruise, and, like all the problems that plague our society, robots are at the heart of this. Suri Cruise: Bot.