Now You Know: Axe Brand Deoderizing Products

Recently I was at the gym (hands off, ladies, there's time for that later) and I came upon a putrid stench. I recalled a similar smell from worse times, and eventually identified it as the aroma of someone who had excessively used Axe brand deodorizing spray immediately prior to coming to the gym. And who probably hadn't showered in a few days. Much like my freshman year roommate. To familiarize yourself with this product, please view the below advertisement.



What does this have to do with robots, you ask? A whole lot. People who use Axe spray do not shower. Robots can't shower, either; they'd short circuit. Therefore, robots are people who use Axe. Simple logic. Many, if not all, of these "people" you will recognize to be bro-bots.

So what have we learned today? Do not trust, or talk to, anyone who wears Axe. 1) They smell awful, and 2) they want to kill you. Get them before they get you.

NOW YOU KNOW

The Bro-bot: A Primer

When on the hunt for robots, please keep an eye out for the suspicious bro-bot. These robots will at first try to be very friendly to you and welcome you with open arms, however; these are very dangerous indeed. They exhibit a strong, undying effort to "fit in" with humans, and sometimes this can make it difficult to detect them in a crowd of people. Bro-bots can be found anywhere, whether it be at a park, in a mall, or right behind you. Although they present a limited physical threat, they know exactly how to destroy your mental well-being and test your patience. I have decided to provide a checklist, so that you may distinguish a bro-bot for yourself:

• Tribal tattoos, most likely around the upper arm
• Baseball hat/visor
• A puka-shell necklace
• Usually no shirt, but look out for fitted striped dress shirts.
• Cargo Shorts (I wonder why they need all those pockets??)
• Travel in packs
• Excessive use of the words "Dude", "Bro", or "Brah"

If you find yourself in contact with one or more of these "bro-bots," you must initially stay calm. Any sudden movement will set them off, and, unfortunately, they will feed off of each other and irritate you to death. In order to escape, let them know that you have to go, and be mindful to say that you will "catch them later, bro," but feel free to use any of the above terms of endearment.

Good Luck.