Robot Sports: Right or Wrong?

The phenomenon of robot entertainment is as old as robots itself. Yesterday, we discussed how Japan's robot entertainment industry is unwittingly training robots to attack and enslave us all. Today we're going to expand upon this subject and examine robot entertainment. First of all, let's look at something like robot soccer (see image). There are two things wrong with this picture: the gleeful smiles on these bots' "faces" and the relative proximity of a precious child. I'm all for robot battles, in which we humans relish in the battles and painful destruction of our truest of enemies (modern day gladiators, if you will, except without all those human rights/morality issues - we know we have the right to take the life of a bot at any time, and take them we shall!).

But back to robot soccer. These bots are enjoying themselves, something I never like to see. And, more importantly, this child, although entertained, is interacting with other robots, and associating said interaction with his entertainment. Kids cannot engage in such behavior, it is truly dangerous. Robot entertainment can be great - hell, they're here to serve us - but there's a fine line between being entertained and advancing the robot revolution. Be sure to consult our advice before attending or promoting any sort of bot entertainment event.

Robot Doctors: Right or Wrong?

We have made our position of robots' place in human society quite clear. So now we're going to apply our Bot Ethics to a real world development: Robot Doctors. Theoretically, it does make sense that robots would serve their human masters by helping them stay healthy and alive. HOWEVER, can we really be sure that this is their true intention? What motives lie behind their LCD-panel faces? Take a look at the above image: is this "doctor" checking for vital signs, or is it making sure its human victim is dead? If I saw one of those things coming my way, I wouldn't wait to find out. Robot doctors are in direct violation of the Second Tenet of Bot Ethics: "Under no circumstances should a bot be placed in a position of power, even over other bots; all require human management." God help me if one of those things ever gets near me to "fix me up."

Heros In Action: Bill Thompson

Remember David Levy and his alarming prediction of human-robot relationships? If not, please refresh your memory. Fellow freedom fighter Bill Thompson of the BBC recently interviewed this fauxbot and totally put him in his place in a heroic piece entitled "Falling out of love with robots." This man has the right idea about the place for bots in our society, writing: "I want my computers to be perfectly predictable because they are tools, extensions of my will." Amen to that, Bill. Way to spread the word.

Children and Robots: A Helpful Guide

In the past, we have alluded to the dangers of mixing children and robots, but I think it is important that we directly address the issue. We here at Bot or Not? love children, and the last thing we want to see is a generation turn into fauxbots or see on the news that a Japanese family's ASIMO is holding their children hostage. But let's face it, just like Marv said in Home Alone, kids are stupid. They won't understand the inherent inferiority of artificial intelligence, and will not treat bots with the contempt they deserve. To keep your children clean, please follow these guidelines:

1) If you employ a robot for any type of service (vacuuming, rickshaws), use their services sparingly around children.
2) If you are with your children in the presence of a robot, be sure to address it with derogatory terms ('bot, 'chine, junk).
3) Do everything in your power to demonstrate that bots' purposes are to serve humans, and strongly punish any child that treats a robot on a respectful level.

If you follow these rules, your children will grow up with healthy attitudes towards robots and surely grow to be the freedom fighters you wish them to be. If not, well, someday soon you may just see this in your backyard:

Bot Ethics: An Explanation

It has come to our attention that there is still a lot of perceived ambiguity as to our actual stance on the existence of bots in a human world. Clearly our position on bots receiving any type of power over humans has been stressed but the point of this post is to clarify the role of bots in today's global economy. A simple explanation between right and wrong is now offered.

First, let's start with a few cardinal rules for integrating bots into the human world:

1. Always remember bots have no feelings or sense of self. This gives you the human right to dominate and destroy at any point necessary.
2. Under no circumstance should a bot be placed in a position of power, even over other bots; all require human management.

I have pulled a few examples of situations involving bots, some right and some horribly wrong, for further clarification...

To start off we have a Chinese farmer (left inset) who has created an army of bots created to serve (right-on!). Although with a closer look any human in their right mind would see where things have fallen into error. This man actually considers these heaps of scrap-metal his"children" and admitted to "losing sleep" over his decision to sell them to other humans! Clearly this man has forgotten that bots can never assimilate into a human family and are only meant as a material means to achieve greater wealth or luxury. Sell away old man, but don't forget to keep a few around to help you you squeeze into the new pair of $1.3 million jeans you purchased with all that money from selling bots. With a little guidance and maybe some more human relationships this farmer could stand as a great example of the right way to include bots in our everyday lives.

The shocking development of researching and utilizing Robocops, Robot Children and elderly-enhancing Robot Suits has soared to an emergent state and serves useful only as an example of the most harmful use of bot technology (click for full-size image):

One thing kept me from initiating a mission to the east in order to stop such activity and that is the overall disgust and beautiful resistance the populace is exerting. Quotes pulled from viewer comments as follows:

"Gah, that thing is trying too hard to look human and it FAILED. I want to hit it with a bat."

"Can we stay away from the robot kids. It looks like it has cancer.
creepy."

"Nuke it from orbit."

...You are not alone.

B.O.L.O. - Robot Attacks

This is the first of a regular feature: BOLO, or Be On the LookOut. We aim to raise awareness of related events and disseminate information to our readers that will aid them in staying on top of this serious situation. In addition, we will use this information to determine the current Robot Threat Level (RTL). There are five stages of the RTL: Severe, High, Elevated, Guarded, and Low. Note the color-coding, added for your convenience.

Please take the time to familiarize yourself with two chilling recent events, both of which involve robot attacks on mostly innocent humans. One might think that some of these people were at least partially responsible for what happened, but that misses the point: robots should not exert any power over humans whatsoever; this issue transcends any ethical argument. These two stories indicate that robots are beginning to act out against humans using violence:

1) Robocop
2) Murderbot

Robot Threat Level: ELEVATED
BE ON THE LOOKOUT