B.O.L.O. - Robocop Update

Remember this horrifying machine? Well it's still out there, terrorizing the streets of Atlanta. Fiendish fauxbot Rufus Terill spends night after night gleefully harassing passersby from his dive bar/bunker. At first, it seemed his only goal was to assualt people with its water canon, but now it's apparent that Terill is trying to expand his campaign of terror into complete robot tyranny. He recently ran (and lost, thankfully) a recent bid to become the Lieutenant Governor of Georgia, but is now setting out to become the next mayor of Hotlanta. Don't let this nightmare turn into reality.

Robot Threat Level: HIGH
BE ON THE LOOKOUT

Heros In Action: Bill Thompson

Remember David Levy and his alarming prediction of human-robot relationships? If not, please refresh your memory. Fellow freedom fighter Bill Thompson of the BBC recently interviewed this fauxbot and totally put him in his place in a heroic piece entitled "Falling out of love with robots." This man has the right idea about the place for bots in our society, writing: "I want my computers to be perfectly predictable because they are tools, extensions of my will." Amen to that, Bill. Way to spread the word.

Now You Know: Svedka Vodka

First of all, Svedka brand vodka has a bizarre aftertaste which permeates anything you mix it with, a taste that will be very much in your mouth throughout your guaranteed hangover. More importantly, however, Svedka is represented by a robot. A robot that looks eerily like Victoria Beckham, and a robot that, in my expert opinion, would rape you in a heartbeat if given the chance. Even if this stuff was amazing, no one should be buying it, especially you. I'd be very suspicious about anyone who chooses to drink Svedka on their own free will. Remember Tyler? On many occasions I've caught him with handles of it in his freezer. Disgusting behavior. Just remember, Svedka Vodka: for robots, by robots.

NOW YOU KNOW

B.O.L.O. - Robot Security Guards

Really, people? I was literally just talking about the importance of ensuring that robots never gain power over us humans. And then the assh*les as Intel sponsor a competition to make robots for the specific purpose of detecting human intruders. Fauxbot and University of Arizona associate professor Charles Higgens claims "we don't want the robot to kill people." Yeah right, guy.

The last thing we need are robots whose only goal is to detect and seek out humans. Sure, first you'll see it spraying water on prostitutes, then at the mall harassing 12 year-olds loitering at Hot Topic, and you'll think, "hey, they're doing a great job." But I think you'll change your mind when there's a pack of them chasing you down a back alley to roborape you.

In light of these troubling advances, and in the wake of yesterday's robot killings, the RTL has been raised. Watch your back.

Robot Threat Level: HIGH
BE ON THE LOOKOUT

Children and Robots: A Helpful Guide

In the past, we have alluded to the dangers of mixing children and robots, but I think it is important that we directly address the issue. We here at Bot or Not? love children, and the last thing we want to see is a generation turn into fauxbots or see on the news that a Japanese family's ASIMO is holding their children hostage. But let's face it, just like Marv said in Home Alone, kids are stupid. They won't understand the inherent inferiority of artificial intelligence, and will not treat bots with the contempt they deserve. To keep your children clean, please follow these guidelines:

1) If you employ a robot for any type of service (vacuuming, rickshaws), use their services sparingly around children.
2) If you are with your children in the presence of a robot, be sure to address it with derogatory terms ('bot, 'chine, junk).
3) Do everything in your power to demonstrate that bots' purposes are to serve humans, and strongly punish any child that treats a robot on a respectful level.

If you follow these rules, your children will grow up with healthy attitudes towards robots and surely grow to be the freedom fighters you wish them to be. If not, well, someday soon you may just see this in your backyard:

B.O.L.O. - Fauxbots

As I'm sure you're aware, robot infiltration is the source of many problems in modern society. However, there are other "foes" we defenders of humanity need to fight just as hard as we fight the bots—I'm talking, of course, about fauxbots.

Fauxbots are technically human, which makes them hard to identify. Take a look at this one, who we will call "Tyler." Note the dead look behind the eyes, the pale skin, and the complete lack of any human emotion. Many fauxbots also tend to give themselves away by opting for the "fauxhawk" hairstyle. Fauxbots are, essentially, human sympathizers of the robot cause, and are therefore very dangerous. The longer a human interacts with a robot in any friendly or nonadversarial manner (as all fauxbots do on a regular basis) the less human they become. Tyler here is a highly developed fauxbot (hence so obvious), and is barely human. This is where you can get into trouble, for destroying a fauxbot would most likely get you into trouble with your local law enforcement. Report any fauxbot sightings to botornot@gmail.com.

Current Robot Threat Level: ELEVATED
BE ON THE LOOKOUT

UPDATE:
I just ran across a shocking editorial in Wired's blog, advocating the further development of robotic weapons. While the author does make some intriguing points, allow me to retort: You're a f*cking fauxbot.